Last January 11, I received the result of my exam. I failed. Yes, I failed NCLEX-RN. Right after I took the exam, I had this feeling that I won’t make it. It’s because I really had a hard time in answering the exam. Everything was new. It’s like the diseases, drugs and nursing procedures that I reviewed in my books and in the review center were useless. Like what I stated in my previous post, I cried after the exam. I panicked. I lost the game.
Last Christmas season, when I completed the Simbang Gabi, I asked God to help me pass the exam. I know that I have the 50-50 chance of passing. I told God that if I would fail the exam, I would accept it wholeheartedly. But as soon as I read the first sentence of that letter (We regret to inform you that you did not pass the NCLEX-RN exam that you took last December 17, 2007.), I cried really hard. It was so painful. It’s like everything shattered - my dreams, goals and plans. I knew and I felt that I was ready to take that exam. I prepared so hard… Why did I fail?
It was really hard for me to accept that I failed. It was just easy to say that you’ll accept it but once you are in this position, it is hard. It’s really tormenting. One reason why it is so hard for me to take it is because I never failed a major exam in my entire life. I always aimed high. I always do my best to pass and to stand out… And now, for the very first time, I experienced failing.
For 5 days, I’ve been really sad and depressed about what happened. I questioned Him a lot. What is His purpose? What does He want to tell me? What does He want to teach me? Why me?
I felt that I failed everyone who look up to me: my parents, siblings, friends, online people, relatives, classmates, and etc. These people believed in me so much. They knew that I was going to pass it. It’s flattering that there are also some people who are inspired because of you, who want to be like you, and who idolize you (according to them). I did not know how would I tell them that I failed. It’s because I felt that I would disappoint them. They expected so much from me.
When I told these people that I did not make it, I did not expect that kind of reaction from them. They were all so supportive and understanding. They kept on cheering me up, lifting my spirit up and boosting my confidence. I was like, “Wow! Why are you guys like that?!” I told them that I need time to grieve on it. It’s not easy to just move on in an instant. I have to take a few steps before I can accept it.
I remember what the priest said in the homily last Sunday. When you receive something not nice, accept it. Always remember that God works in mysterious ways. He has plans that you might not understand now. Just trust Him. When I heard those words, I couldn’t help but cry. I know it was really a message for me. I know God was comforting me and he used the priest as an instrument. Right then and there, I told myself that I am gonna move on and accept it already.
Even if I did not make it, I still can say that I am blessed and lucky. At least, I still have a home to live in. I still can eat 3 or more times a day. I still can take it the second time. I have a family who did not condemn me for what had happened. I have friends who still believe in me and who supports me in my decisions. Lastly, I also have my special someone who is always there for me. I just count all my blessings. And I thank God for all of it.
Through this experience, I learned that you’re not going to get all what you want at the same time. One step at a time as they say. I also learned that you’re not always on the top. There are times that you have to fall down to learn to stand up.
And now, I am standing up. I am moving on. I am accepting every plan that God has set for me. I love God and whatever He gives me, I will take it and I thank Him for it because this painful experiences make me a stronger and a better person.
I am not gonna stop reaching my dreams. I would still aim high. In the right time, I’ll also be called a US Registered Nurse.
To everyone who supported and cheered me up, thank you. Thank you very much.
Xyla. 22 years old. Female. Registered Nurse since
2006. FEU Graduate. 
This weblog is owned by me, Xyla De Vera. Contents here are copyrighted to me unless, otherwise stated. Images,brushes and contents taken from other sites are credited here.
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January 20th, 2008 at 5:18 am
Hi dearie, I feel for you. Just wanna share this article from purpose driven life. I admire you for being strong. God Bless you!
2007/10/29
How Do You Recover From Disaster?
by Rick Warren
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4 NIV)
This past week, many of us have watched as the worst disaster in Southern California history has unfolded. It will take years to recover. You may live far away from California, but more than likely you’ll face some form of hardship in your life (you may even be facing one now). In this guest devotional, Pastor Rick Warren explains three biblical principles for recovering from any disaster:
First, release your grief
Maybe you’ve wept as you witnessed the horrible losses of life and property in California . Maybe you’ve lost a family member or a home or business yourself. When you face a crisis, it’s normal to feel all sorts of emotions – fear, anger, worry, depression, resentment, helplessness, grief.
It does no good to stuff emotions or deny they exist. God created us to feel emotions, and he doesn’t expect us to act happy when we’re grieving. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” That means it is OK to be honest about our grief. “Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalms 62:8 NLT) God wants to comfortus in tragedy. He is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Second, receive help from others
It’s a huge mistake to isolate yourself when you’re going through a crisis. We all need the support, encouragement, and presence of other people, particularly in the aftermath of tragedy. The Bible tells us that when we carry one another’s burdens, we obey the Law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
Third, reject the urge to be bitter.
Some people become bitter when faced with hardship – but bitterness is a choice we make. You don’t have to be bitter. If you choose bitterness, you’ll only end up hurting yourself – and you’ll shut the door on happiness because you can’t be happy and bitter at the same time.
What now?
· Your response to disaster is a choice – As I’ve watched television interviews related to the California wildfires, there are some victims who say, “We lost it all, and we’re sad, but we’re still together as a family, and we’re going to work together and rebuild.” Yet others say, “My life is over! I just don’t see how I can go on from here; I don’t think I can ever recover from this.” It’s not an easy choice, but it is a choice between believing God is still in control or believing you’re on your own.
· Your joy comes from God, not your circumstances – There’s absolutely no correlation in life between your circumstances and your joy. None whatsoever! Joy comes from within. It is based on who you trust, not what you see or feel. When you give your grief to God, he is faithful to comfort you (Matthew 5:4).
· Focus on what you have – When you experience disaster, focus on what you still have, not on what’s lost. Tell God you’re thankful for what you still have. Make a list of all the good things inyour life. Personally, I find it is impossible to be grateful and depressed at the same time.
January 20th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Aww. Thank you so much whoever you are. God bless you.
January 21st, 2008 at 12:10 am
mom…you’re still an inspiration to other people..to me.=) *hug* if i’d get the chance to see you again mom, ice cream tayo sa DQ.=) love you mom.mwah!-maan
January 27th, 2008 at 4:57 am
Hi ate xy, I don’t know you personally… but I think I know you enough to say that you are a strong woman. You’ll be great, remeber, fall seven times but stand up eight!
January 28th, 2008 at 9:35 am
ate xy!! congrats!!
for standing up again..
i never once doubted your capabilities, and i still look up to you.. you inspire me in many ways you can’t imagine.. and that didnt changed..
marami pang oppurtunities na darating ate, and I know God will give you what you need in the His time..
lovelots
February 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
hello, why don’t you try to review @ KAPLAN in ayala ave. makati near pbcom tower, their review is around 23k for 3mos..im actually reviewing there right now & they’re really good plus they’re affiliated with NCSBN so their review strategies are most likely the ones that shows up in the NCLEX exam…have a good day! God bless! =)