I started blogging as  a random poster. I talk about my crushes, my college life and all. When I was on my nursing proper, that was the time I blogged about my nursing life – everything about it from the lessons I have learned every clinical exposures down to the saddening moments  of being a nurse. I decided to blog stories that I can share with my online friends or inspire them to be contented in their lives. Reading my entries is like spending your time with me while I am reflecting. This is how I make myself strong and learn to love my life more despite the depression I am going through.

You read that right. I am undergoing this depression, not clinically diagnosed though. When this year started, problems just didn’t stop from coming. I question/ed God why is this happening, why do I have to face problems and etc. I know that in every problem, there is always a solution. But how come my problems take a lot of time to be solved?

To tell you the truth, there are times that I kind of regret taking up this course. I don’t blame this course, okay? I don’t blame anyone why it suddenly became the number 1 course of this country. I just feel sad about what’s going on with my life right now. I envy my friends, even my brother, who were hired easily. (Okay, now I am crying. :-S) And I hate to admit this that until now, I haven’t gotten through with that NCLEX thing. I still cry whenever I remember what happened to my exam. I still can not accept that despite my preparations, I didn’t pass that effin’ exam. I knew in my heart that I would be able to make my folks proud of me, you know, but I was wrong.

I know people would say that I should just be strong and that I should trust God. I know that. But sad to say, I felt like I ain’t that strong anymore. And I really really want to take that strength back. Just please give me some time.

All I wanna do now is just read my entries to remind myself of how strong and determined I was before. I really want to go back to my old self.

Sorry if I have disappointed you with this entry you are reading. I just can’t hide this anymore. I need to write about this. I need to let this out. I don’t know if I’ll just be on a hiatus as of the moment. I don’t know. I really can not decide right now. I’m also thinking if I’ll close the comments thing or make this a private entry.

Hmmm. Okay. I decided not to do what I was thinking a minute ago.