People know TJ as Xyla’s boyfriend. But do you guys ever wonder who TJ really is as a person, a friend, a boyfriend and a son?

TJ is a 22 year old guy living somewhere in Manila. He has a younger sister who he always bullies. Haha. Just kidding. He has very wonderful parents that he loves so much (I do too!). He used to be a sacristan and a skater. He is very active in church during holy week. He is an addict online gamer. He plays various browser games like Mafia Wars, My Brute, Restaurant City, and etc. But nothing beats his addictiveness to Ragnarok, an online game that makes every girlfriend jealous. Hehehe!

He’s afraid of heights. That’s why we never dated in an amusement park. I always insist him to ride on a Ferris wheel (because I love amusement park rides!) but he really doesn’t want to. His favorite food is sinigang. And he hates green peas for a reason that I do not know. Oh, he loves to cook. He is a frustrated chef. He is the official cook in their house. He loves experimenting dishes and he always brags about it.

He has this ultimate love for Earth. Don’t worry, I never got jealous about it. Hehe! He was the one who told me about Earth Hour 2009. He insisted me to participate in it. He even asked me to spread the news; thus, I blogged about it. He supports Green Peace and any other love-for-nature-related organizations. He actually wanted to participate as a volunteer in Green Peace but he declined when he found out that his job would be like that of those Green Peace mascots. Hahaha! I really laughed when he told me that story.

He loves watching TV. He likes Discovery Channel and National Geographic. He used to tease me for not having a cable TV. He was the one who introduced me to MadTV. He’s the reason why I adore Bobby Lee. Hehe. I never really liked watching Jackass on MTV but he insisted me to watch it. So now, I know who Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and Bam Margera are. Only thing is, I just know them by name. I always forget their faces even if he always shares me the links of YouTube videos of that show.

I love his attire. He’s not like those guys who are baduy. He has this simple yet classy way of dressing up. He loves wearing collared-polo shorts paired with simple jeans and shoes/slip-ons. And oh, I really, really love his smell whether fresh from the shower or sprayed from a perfume.

He is a very, very funny guy. He loves to joke around. No dull moments with him. He doesn’t want serious and emo talks. He wants to have fun. And that was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. Because he always put a smile on my face. He always makes me laugh. Whenever we have misunderstandings, he would find a way to tickle me (not literally though). Oh, did I tell you that he has this really cute and weird giggle?

He is a person full of dreams and aspirations. I have faith in him. I have always believed that he will reach his goals and will fulfill his dreams. I know that he would buy that red car he’s wanting to have. He’s a hardworking person and there’s no way he wouldn’t be able to achieve his plans.

My parents like him. They always describe him as a very kind person. They liked him for having a strong faith in God. He respected my parents and treated them like his own. My parents and my siblings consider him as their own son and sibling, respectively.

I always tell him that he is the best-est boyfriend in the whole world. He really is. He may have so many flaws and mistakes but I still consider him as one. He is a very protective, caring, loving and sweet boyfriend. He is a jealous guy too! But I find it cute when he gets jealous. I never hated him for being jealous. I always think that he only feels that way because he doesn’t want to lose me. He is the type of boyfriend who is full of surprises. He will always find a way to make you kilig and fall in love over and over again.

Now, you understand how I fell deeply inlove with this not-so perfect but very, very wonderful guy. No matter how much pain he has inflicted on me, I still love him more than he can imagine. I can’t explain this feeling but I still think that he is the one for me. Maybe not now, but in the future. But if I am wrong, then I’ll just let this thought go at the right time.

TJ taught me how to love. TJ made me feel how to be loved. I will never ever regret anything that happened between us because I cherish every bits and pieces of our togetherness. There’s only one thing that I regret though. I told him once that he is not my first love but my first boyfriend which made him confused. But last night, while I was thinking of what just had happened, I realized… he really is my first love. I realized that maybe those guys I thought I loved before were just infatuations. Maybe I just fell in love with the thought of loving them. But with TJ, I knew that I really love him with all my heart. I still do. My mind and my heart confirm it. He will always be my first true love. He is still the guy that I want to marry. He is still the guy that I want to grow old with.

You may think that I am such a stupid martyr. But no, I don’t think this is being stupid. This is all about loving truthfully and deeply. You know the saying, “If you’re not meant for each other, it doesn’t mean you’re not meant for each other now.” I will live by that saying. I trust God. I know that God wants the best for me. If TJ is really for me, He will make a way. If he’s not, then I would just accept it and move forward.

Right now, I will go on with my life like I used to. I will try to be strong. I will try to be a better person. I will try to spend each day of life on my own now. Yes, every now and then, I might cry. I am actually crying right now. But I will never ever hate him. I will never hate the person who loved me for who and what I am. I will never hate the person who took care of me, supported me, and loved me for one year, three months and twenty nine days. He may not be with me physically, but our sweet memories will always stay in my heart. He will always be in my heart. He will always be my true love.

Love,

Thank you for everything. I can’t list them all down because I might run out of space and words to say. Wherever you are, I hope that you are always safe. I hope that you are always in good health. Don’t forget to drink your vitamins. I know you’re stubborn. You won’t drink it unless I tell you. Please do not drink beer (or any alcoholic drinks) too much. I don’t want you to have liver cirrhosis in the future. Okay?

I know that you would reach your dreams because I know that you can do it. I have always believed in you. And I would still have faith in you.

I’m sorry for all my wrong doings. I am sorry for not being the perfect girlfriend. I am truly sorry.

Don’t worry. I wouldn’t change. I’d still be the Xyla that you know. I’d still be the Xyla that you’ve fallen in love with. I’d still be the Xyla who you used to claim for having a crush on you where in fact it’s the other way around. I’d still be me. In case our roads cross, I promise you that I will be stronger and I will be a better person.

I will miss you. I actually miss you now. I miss everything about you. Your hugs, your unexpected kisses and even your addictiveness to my tight hugs. I will miss Stoinky even if I am allergic to dogs. I will miss your mom, your dad and your sister. Be a good son and a brother, okay? My family will definitely miss you too. I can see in their faces that they are sad as well. :(

Always keep in mind those pieces of advice that I told you because I won’t forget yours too.

Thank you, love. Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much. I still do. Always have and always will.

Love,

Love.