It’s been almost two months since I last posted here. Blame the very busy schedule. I think I was able to survive the month of February when my most dreaded schedule started. One and a half month of sleepless nights and stress. And here I am, still very tired and diagnosed with tonsillopharyngitis.

To tell you honestly, I am not enjoying my training in this private hospital. Maybe because I am tired of being just a trainee. For the past three years, I’ve been in and out of the hospital as a trainee and sometimes I feel embarrassed and/or humiliated whenever they ask me why I wasn’t hired. For the past three years, I never knew anyone from the hospital. I don’t have a “connection” with someone in the hospital. This time, I was very lucky to find one. But then, I am not the type of person who doesn’t care about doing the job effectively just because I got in easily (as a trainee). Even though I don’t like to work in the hospital for now as a trainee, I still continue to attend the training and try to make an impression because I don’t want the “backer” to think that I don’t deserve the position. And most of all, I am handling human beings and I don’t want to jeopardize their lives just because I am incompetent.

I am really disappointed with some of my seniors because  I thought that since this is a private hospital, I’ll be able to see/witness that the nursing procedures will be performed ideally than in the public hospital. Unfortunately, they do it wrong. They don’t perform some of the procedures in an ideal way because one of their reasons is that they don’t have much time. But when I try to observe them, they have a lot of time to chitchat with each other. How can that happen?

One time, a staff nurse asked me how do I take the pulse rate of the patient. I said that I do it in full minute when I have a lot of time. She told me that, “No, you can just do it in 15 seconds and multiply it by 4.” Then I reasoned out, “I do that ma’am if I don’t feel or hear any skipping beats but if there’s a deviation from normal, I do it in full minute.” She didn’t reply after that.

One thing that discourages me from continuing is that they sometimes teach me the wrong thing and I have nothing to do but to follow them. I feel sad for the patients. I can’t accept the fact that they think they are competent and they have the guts to teach me what to do with this and that when they don’t really know what they are talking about.

Sigh. I really wish this training will end as soon as possible. I can’t wait for April to end. And I can’t wait for June to start because we will be having our Clinical Residency as our practicum in our MA. :) I feel excited more about it than my training.