I hope to see you again. I hope you reach your dreams. So-Young, I know you’ll be a great teacher someday. You’re a very bright student. Su-Ji, ohhh… The sweetest! You’ll be a great comic artist… or a nurse? Do you really want to be a nurse just because of me? Aww.. If you do become a nurse, I hope you’ll become as great as Florence Nightingale. Hehe! Sigh sigh sigh.

I love you my students. When our path crosses again, I hope you’ll remember me and say, Hi Teacher!

Love,

Teacher/Un-ni Xyla

I left home an hour and a half early to prepare for my demo. I was prepared but still, I felt anxious about it. When I reached school, the series of unfortunate event started. My brassiere was trying to show off that I decided to buy a safety pin to partially close my blouse. But the cloth of my blouse didn’t allow the safety pin to penetrate into it. So what I did, I stapled my blouse! I was so sweaty inside the comfort room. It was totally embarrassing to the students around me. Then, the blazer that I’ve been using for ages also didn’t cooperate with me! The zipper didn’t work as well. Argh! After letting go the thought of zipping my blazer, I tried to check the projector we borrowed. I found out that it was a different projector. We had to go back to the office to borrow the projector for laptops and not for acetates. When we were setting up the projector and my Su-Ji¹, we found out that Su-Ji was not compatible with our school’s projector. We went down to the office again to borrow their laptop. But still, it didn’t work. We went back to the office for the third time to borrow another projector…  We were wrong when we thought it would already work. So, we had to think of another plan. Good thing, my classmate suggested that we divide the class into two groups and provide one laptop for each group to watch the slides we prepared.

You know, when I started my demo I was sooooooooooooo nervous! I didn’t have the time to rest, to breathe in and breathe out, to relax… I had to start right away because we already took 30 minutes of the time just setting up the whole damn thing. I tried to relax in the middle of my demonstration and I thank my classmates for cooperating.

After my demo, which exceeded the allotted 30-45 minutes, our professor asked for their comments. I was surprised when they said that it was amazing that I was relaxed and I was well composed. Wow! Does that mean they didn’t notice how nervous I was? Then, I am a great pretender! Haha! Here are the other comments I received: “Her topic is well organized…” “She was able to carry herself well as a teacher and was able to motivate the students to apply what she was teaching…” “She was able to connect with the students using humor…” From those comments, our professor even told me that I owe them something for those positive comments because there were more positive comments than negative ones. Well, the negative comment was that I wasn’t able to explain some of the important points. Yeah, I was quite in a hurry then. Haha! But still, it was unbelievable that I received such positive comments. I thank my classmates for the constructive criticisms. I know that it would help me to improve my teaching skills.

Despite the series of unfortunate event that happened before my demo, I thank God for helping me to survive my teaching demo with a positive outcome. Our professor told me that she graded me SUPERIOR which is second to EXCELLENT. That’s a great news. :)

So there, one down and three to go: thesis, theory and abstract. Oh no! I wonder how I will be able to do this in 2 weeks!

1. my notebook

September for me is another the-start-of-something-new month. I am back to being unemployed. Well, I hope this lasts for just a week because I received a good news from my dad.¹ Anyway, this day of September 01 is the official day that I am out of the international school I used to work at. I wonder how my students would feel today. I wonder who would be their new teacher. I wonder if they miss me… because I miss them so much! I treated them like my own sister. If only I could kidnap them!! Haha! I hope they answer my email as soon as possible. I hope that I’ll see them again once I visit Korea. (Oh, did you know that I really wanted to go to Korea before because of the Koreanovela, Full House? Haha!)

To Stella, Elly, Mina and Denise, bogo ship po²!

On the lighter note, my research problem was finally approved. The topic is hard though because it requires experimental design. But I am being optimistic, so aja fighting! I feel sorry for overestimating master’s degree. Now, I feel so stressed about all these paperworks. So many things to do! Formulate our own theory, finish Chapter 1-3 of our thesis, and prepare for our teaching demo³ (for those students who take 12 units including me). Thank God, Statistics is easy. I actually got a 100% score in our midterm exams. Haha. I love math. And as a result, I got flat one for our midterm grade. :) I thank my dad for the genes he shared to me. He’s a math wiz. :D

So there, quick updates of my life after a month! Now, I have to get back to my powerpoint presentation for my teaching demo this Saturday. Wish me luck!

P.S.

I received an email from Philippine Blog Awards 2009 saying that I am an official nominee! Oh-em-gee! XD

1. I won’t spill about it for now.
2. I miss you
3. It was moved this week!

One of the most painful experiences we would encounter in our lives is parting ways with someone we learned to love whether it is romantic or platonic love. When a patient is being discharged and that patient became really close to me, it’s hard for me to let go. I guess, that’s one of my weaknesses. I get attached with my patients. I treat them like my real friends or family.

Last week, I have planned not to extend my contract in the school where I am currently employed. This is because I might go back to the hospital in September and I want to concentrate on my MA. (My thesis proposal was rejected. =() My part-time work is sort of eating my time especially if there are paper works to be passed. Just to make it clear, I enjoy my work. I love teaching those Korean students… And yeah, I learned to love my students.

I thought that my students would only be studying until August so I thought we would both leave the school at the same time. I just learned this week that they would still be studying until September. So when I told So-Young that I might not be able to teach her on September, she got sad. Remember when she asked me if I would still be her teacher in November? The other day, she asked me if I told Su-Ji (her friend) about it. No, I haven’t told her about my plan. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t know how to tell Su-Ji.

Su-Ji is my favorite student, along with So-Young. Before, I hated those teachers who have favorite students. I questioned them why do they have to have favorite students. They should treat us fairly. Now, I know the answer. The answer may not be very explainable but you just feel it in your heart. I became very close with Su-Ji and So-Young but it was Su-Ji who was very clingy. Did you know that she wrote this on my board: “I want Teacher Xyla be my mom!” She treats me like her own mom or sister. Sometimes, she would call me, “my baby” and I would call her my “um ma”¹. She always hugs me whenever she sees me. She would always find a way to tickle me. Sometimes, I get irritated whenever she’s playful in our class but when she sees me that I am not in the mood, she would try to make me laugh by doing crazy things. She’s my cutest student and I learned to love her like my own sister or daughter.

Yesterday, So-Young slipped her tongue about my short stay in school. Su-Ji heard it and asked me what’s going on. So, I told her that I might not be able to stay until September. She was confused. So-Young had to speak in Korean to explain it to her. It sounded like, “Teacher Xyla is going back to the hospital. She’s a nurse, remember?” When the bell rang, So-Young left my room and Su-Ji was still confused. She kept asking, “Why?!” I said, I am a nurse. I have to go back to the hospital. Then she asked why again. I just said, “Koon-yang.”² She still asked why. I saw that she was getting teary-eyed. Then she suddenly get her dictionary. Actually, she doesn’t normally do that. Whenever I ask her to get her electronic dictionary, she doesn’t follow. But yesterday, I was surprised when she got her dictionary without me asking her to do it. I know that she wants to say something but she couldn’t express it in English. She typed something quietly and showed me the English translation. She said, “Titcha, you *shows the English translation* nurse. You my teacher. You teach me.” When I read it, it said:  graduate, finish, terminate, complete… What she meant is that I stop being a nurse and just teach her. I got teary-eyed but I tried to control it. I said, “I don’t know.” The next thing I know, her face was on my lap, crying really hard. =( I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was to comfort her. I tried to stop her but she didn’t want to stop. I had to threat her that the school owner is near my room so she got up. She’s scared of the school owner. Haha!  My heart sank when I saw her face. And then she said, “Promise teacher, you don’t go. You teach me. You don’t leave me.” Upon hearing those words, I wanted to cry right then and there. Never in my entire life begged me like that. She wanted us to do the pinky promise. But I had second thoughts to do the pinky promise. I know that it’s not right for me to promise because I might just break it. But she still cried. “You are bad teacher! You leave me!” I got scared that the other teachers or the administrators would hear her tantrums so I gave in. I “promised” not to leave her. And yeah, I am really a bad teacher for doing that promise. =( After that, she calmed down.

You know, this is so hard for me. I think I can stay until September. I will do this for my students if I have to but what if I am scheduled for September for my hospital-comeback? You know that I’ve always wanted to work in the hospital and I kept saying that it is there where I truly belong. I don’t know what to do now. Maybe, I’ll just ask God to postpone the hospital-comeback in October.

When the students were dismissed at 5:00, Su-Ji saw me near the school owner’s office and hugged me very tight. It’s like the tightest hug I have ever felt in my entire life. Imagine a lost kid seeing her mom again. That’s how I felt yesterday. Before she bid goodbye, she said, “Teacher… don’t go, okay?”

PBA091qo7879

1. mom in Korean
2. It means JUST (basta) or if you can’t find any explanation to your answer.

My MA classes are killing me. Paper works here and there! On August 12, we will present our Chapter 1 and 2 of our unapproved thesis. Until now, I am not yet done with my Chapter 1. It is driving me crazy. Really. The next day would be our exam on Nursing Theories. This is the subject that I neglect most. So, good luck to me!

On the other hand, I am getting lazy with my work as an English teacher. Maybe because I suddenly missed working in the hospital. I miss writing on charts, regulating the IV fluids, pushing IV medications and interacting and caring for patients. I know that I truly belong there.

One of my students asked me if I would still be her teacher when she gets back in November. I told her with all honesty that I won’t be staying that long in the school because I want to go back to the hospital. She felt sad. She told me, “Teacher… Don’t go back to the hospital. Stay here. Please?” Aww. I didn’t know what to answer right then and there. And you know what? Almost everyday, she asks me if I would still pursue my hospital come back. I guess, she’s really that worried.

In the middle of our lesson, she gave me a mechanical pencil¹.

Me: What is this?! (Yes, I know it’s a sharp but that’s what came out from my mouth first.)
Carla: A sharp.
Me: Yeah, I know. I mean, what is this for?
Carla: It’s for you.
Me: Really? Why? This is so cute!!
Carla: *smiling*
Me: Why? What is this for?
Carla: *smiling, probably thinking of words to say*
Me: Koonyang?²
Carla: Yes.
Me: Haha. Really? Thank you.
Carla: Because you always give me coffee. Teacher, tomorrow. One pack of coffee. Okay?

Patay tayo dyan.

1. the blue one
2. I don’t know how this is spelled in English but this means, just or for no reason at all.

The most stubborn one that I teach is my 2pm – 3 pm student. She is very inattentive. She always writes on my newly “wallpapered” wall.¹ She nods all the time even if she doesn’t understand what I am saying. You get what I mean?

Here’s a scenario when I almost lost my patience. Our topic is “What would you do if this situation happened?”

Me: Okay, Carla². What would you do if you left your bag in a subway train?

Carla: Huh?

Me: For example, you left your school bag in a subway train. What are you going to do?

Carla: Me. My bag. Subway train. No!

Me: No. What if? What if you left your school bag? What are you going to do?

Carla: No! School bag. Subway train. No!

Me: Okay, let’s say… your friend left it. Your friend left her school bag in a subway train, what’s the first thing she should do?

Carla: My friend? School bag… Subway train. No!!

Me: *starting to change her mood* Okay… Let’s say, I left my school bag. Teacher Xyla left her school bag in a subway train… What should I do?

Carla: *looked surprised* Really, teacher?!! What happened??!! Why??!!

That’s the end of story. Now, do you understand why I am ranting? Haha!

Anyway, yesterday turned out to be different. I was drinking coffee when Carla went inside my cubicle/room. She has been asking me to give her coffee since our first day but I didn’t allow her to drink some because she’s still a kid! But she was very insistent yesterday that is why I gave in. She liked the taste. She enjoyed drinking that she even drank what’s left on my cup! Haha! And you know what happened next?

She became very active in my class! She answered my questions correctly!

Now, you know what I am going to do… Hahaha! XD

PBA09nr8ps9s

1. I covered the vandalized walls with pink and teal cartolinas. Hehe!
2. name has changed for confidentiality

This afternoon, the students had a party because Isabelle, the one who gave me a letter three weeks ago, celebrated her birthday today. Elly asked me if she could party. I didn’t know what to answer because we were supposed to have our class. I asked one of the old teachers and he told me that Stella² would like to party too. So we have no choice but to attend their party as well. Haha! They looked adorable dancing and singing the Korean songs even though I didn’t understand what they were singing. XD And oh, they even asked me to dance with them. Haha!

Having cute and sweet students makes me feel younger. I am having a great time with them that I always look forward to our classes. The nicest feeling is that they appreciate you without even trying to make them appreciate you. I just teach, have fun and laugh with them. I am thankful that at least once in my teaching life, I felt appreciated and liked by my students.

1. both are 11 years old
2. he handles Stella at 4 to 5 pm

That’s the good news. The sad thing about it is that I can’t take the full-time position because of my MA’s² schedule.  I have no choice but to take the part-time position instead of just letting all this go. Like what I said in my previous entry, I need some money to support my needs for my MA³. That is why.

So far, I am enjoying my stay there. I am enjoying teaching my 13-year-old student. She’s very funny and talkative. Her name is Rin. We had a deal that she will study our lesson really hard while I try to learn their language. I guess that makes our class more fun. I just feel sad today because I learned that I won’t be handling her anymore starting tomorrow. It’s because of conflict in schedule. Sad sad sad. :(

The other two students that I am teaching are older than me by one year. They’re cool guys. One loves sports while the other likes music. They’re friends. Randolph, the one who’s into sports, asked me what’s the best bar or club here in the Philippines that I could recommend for him. Haha! I told him though that I don’t really go to clubs so I can not recommend him any. I am teaching them intermediate grammar so every now and then I study grammar. The best thing about this job is that I am learning while I am teaching.

I know that I won’t be staying long in this school because I have a different path to take. So for now, I’ll just enjoy every day of my life as Titsah Xyla.

1. They always have a hard time in pronouncing ch- and r.
2. master’s degree
3. not the tuition fee, though

I decided to apply as an English tutor/teacher because I need money to suffice my needs for my master’s degree.¹ I haven’t enrolled though because the results aren’t out yet. I am actually in panic because the deadline of enrollment is tomorrow. I hate enrolling late. I hate running after time. Why haven’t they released it yet?! Grr.

Anyways, luckily, I passed the initial interview and the teaching demo. It was my first time to do a teaching demo.  I was so nervous! So right now, I am attending the training. I should complete the 40-hour training then if I passed the exams and the other tasks, they could officially hire me. I hope everything goes well.

I really wanted to be hired there because I am having fun. When I was a kid, I dreamt of becoming a teacher, aside from becoming a doctor. Until now, I still want to teach. That’s the reason why I plan to take master’s degree to be able to teach and to be able to gain professional growth.

As I am observing the setting, I realized that there are a lot of things in common in having a patient and in having a student. First, you should be able to establish a rapport with your student, just like with a patient. You need to gain their trust because how would you be able to work with them if they don’t trust you. Second, you have to be patient with them. Students can sometimes be very unpredictable. Sometimes, they get what you’re teaching, sometimes they don’t. You have to be understanding. Just like in being a nurse, you have to be empathic with them. Third, teachers also learn from their students. It’s not about the lesson, per se, but also things that we could apply in our own lives. It’s called life lessons. As a nurse, I constantly learn from my patients too. I probably don’t have my inspiration to write if I don’t learn from them. Lastly, when a student (or a patient) appreciates you, the feeling is undescribable. It probably means you are effective as a teacher (or a nurse) or you probably touched his/her life in your own simple way which makes us feel fulfilled in our job. Wow. What a realization!

Well, let’s hope that I’ll get a good evaluation after my 40-hour training. By that time, I’ll probably be a better writer. Haha! Because seriously, while I am studying those grammar rules again, I feel so dumb! I feel that I suck in grammar and I feel ashamed of how I am writing here. Haha!

So that’s all for now. I’ll leave you a very funny scenario with one of our Korean students.

Luna: *singing* Pilipino, Pilipino, Pilipino ang lahi ko…. (Manny Pacquiao’s song)
Me: Luna, why are you singing that song? You’re not a Filiipino!
Luna: Oh. Okay! *then started singing….* Korean, Korean, Korean ang lahi ko…

1. My parents are going to pay for my tuition fee and I don’t want to add more burden to them.