Today was my first day at school this year. We only had reporting and I am wondering why in the world I am so drained after the class. I still have headache but I decided to blog because I want to let this out… This sadness and this confusion.

So while I was talking to my boyfriend over the phone while resting (I told him that I won’t go online tonight because of my headache but here I am, blogging. He’d surely understand.), my mom butt in in our conversation and told me that the hospital where I was supposed to undergo training this month called. The start of our training is next week. Orientation on Wednesday.

My mom asked me if I think I could handle the training because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You know how hard it is to apply in a hospital. This is actually a pre-employment training and this is different from the previous trainings I have undergone for some reasons. She told me, “Kung kaya mo naman na, sayang naman kung ipopostpone mo ito. Para sana makapagtrabaho ka na…”

Everybody knows how much I want to work in the hospital. Everybody knows how dedicated I am in this field even though I feel like it’s pushing me away because of these circumstances I am dealing with. I really, really want to undergo the training BUT it’s been only a month when I underwent operation. I got traumatized with what have happened and I am scared of jeopardizing my health again.

I am crying while typing this because I really do not know what to do. I want to work… but I need to rest. I need to prioritize my health. I don’t want another operation. I want to be healthy this year. I have neglected my doctor’s health advice before and I don’t want to do that again. I regret for being a stubborn “patient”.

But… what about my dreams? What about my goals? I am turning 25 this year and look, I haven’t achieved anything yet. I am still depending on my parents. I haven’t bought anything for myself that I can be proud of. I haven’t contributed anything to our monthly bills. I envy those people who have attained something at an early age. I want to be like that too. I really do.

Sigh. I can’t decide. :( What to do?

I may not have gotten a job yet in the hospital but at least, I was given a chance to be a volunteer nurse in a public hospital, which is a first time for me because I always “work” as a trainee in a private hospital. (February – May 2009)

By the time our contract as a volunteer nurse ended, I was able to get a job as a teacher for Korean students. It didn’t last as well because I decided to quit to focus more on my master’s class. Being a teacher to Koreans was helluva fun. I was able to see their culture and mingle with them and at the same time, I was able to share my Filipino traits with my Korean kids. I wonder how they are now. I miss those kids. (June – August 2009)

One thing I liked about this year is that I was able to go back to school. I met new friends, gained a lot of knowledge and learned more about my chosen field. I also get to learn more about being a good teacher. My favorite subject in my first semester as a master’s degree candidate is our Instructional Supervision. Our professor truly touched my life as a person and as a teacher. I also learned how to work on my own now. Back in college, we were always given group tasks. Now, you have to work on your own  although I know how to work as an individual but this time I don’t have subordinates (because I used to be a leader) whom I can ask for help. And oh, I am really happy that I got good grades. (June – October 2009)

I think one of the achievements I’ve gained this year is being one of the finalists in the Philippine Blog Awards 2009. I may not have grabbed a single award even though I was a finalist in four different categories but at least I was included in this contest as a finalist because not all bloggers are given an opportunity like this. I’m thinking about joining again next year. (October 2009)

Second semester is much more challenging because this is the start of our major subjects but I guess I can handle this because this is where I am more interested in. There are so many tasks to do and until now, I am trying to accomplish them all. I am enjoying it anyway so no complaints about this one. :) (November 2009 – December 2009)

In life, there would always be changes. And these changes would also help us to be strong. My December 2009 is the toughest month of all. I encountered personal problems that I thought I couldn’t handle. I was able to get through those 18 days of sadness and longing. God is really good because He answered my prayer. I guess, God really gave my boyfriend to me because I told him that if he’s not for me, then he wouldn’t come back. But he did. This year is a tough year for both of us but I am glad we’re ending this year TOGETHER.

I thought everything would end normally but something happened to me that’s really unexpected. But because of this shocking event in my life, it made me stronger. It helped me to become a fighter. I thank God for giving me this kind of strength. And I also thank God that because of this emergency surgery, I felt how much I am loved and supported by the people around me, even those people I really do not know.

So many things happened this year. It is, indeed, my productive year but also a very, very challenging one that I was able to surpass.

I decided to apply as an English tutor/teacher because I need money to suffice my needs for my master’s degree.¹ I haven’t enrolled though because the results aren’t out yet. I am actually in panic because the deadline of enrollment is tomorrow. I hate enrolling late. I hate running after time. Why haven’t they released it yet?! Grr.

Anyways, luckily, I passed the initial interview and the teaching demo. It was my first time to do a teaching demo.  I was so nervous! So right now, I am attending the training. I should complete the 40-hour training then if I passed the exams and the other tasks, they could officially hire me. I hope everything goes well.

I really wanted to be hired there because I am having fun. When I was a kid, I dreamt of becoming a teacher, aside from becoming a doctor. Until now, I still want to teach. That’s the reason why I plan to take master’s degree to be able to teach and to be able to gain professional growth.

As I am observing the setting, I realized that there are a lot of things in common in having a patient and in having a student. First, you should be able to establish a rapport with your student, just like with a patient. You need to gain their trust because how would you be able to work with them if they don’t trust you. Second, you have to be patient with them. Students can sometimes be very unpredictable. Sometimes, they get what you’re teaching, sometimes they don’t. You have to be understanding. Just like in being a nurse, you have to be empathic with them. Third, teachers also learn from their students. It’s not about the lesson, per se, but also things that we could apply in our own lives. It’s called life lessons. As a nurse, I constantly learn from my patients too. I probably don’t have my inspiration to write if I don’t learn from them. Lastly, when a student (or a patient) appreciates you, the feeling is undescribable. It probably means you are effective as a teacher (or a nurse) or you probably touched his/her life in your own simple way which makes us feel fulfilled in our job. Wow. What a realization!

Well, let’s hope that I’ll get a good evaluation after my 40-hour training. By that time, I’ll probably be a better writer. Haha! Because seriously, while I am studying those grammar rules again, I feel so dumb! I feel that I suck in grammar and I feel ashamed of how I am writing here. Haha!

So that’s all for now. I’ll leave you a very funny scenario with one of our Korean students.

Luna: *singing* Pilipino, Pilipino, Pilipino ang lahi ko…. (Manny Pacquiao’s song)
Me: Luna, why are you singing that song? You’re not a Filiipino!
Luna: Oh. Okay! *then started singing….* Korean, Korean, Korean ang lahi ko…

1. My parents are going to pay for my tuition fee and I don’t want to add more burden to them.

I pity the mothers who are emotionally and financially suffering because of their kids’ illnesses. I once saw my mom cry when I was in the hospital. Mothers would usually say, “Ako na lang sana nagkasakit kaysa ang anak ko…”

I can not believe that there are still some people who can do this to such people. You know what I mean? They could have helped them rather than add more burden. I also can not believe that despite the security in the hospital, there are still evils who can get away with the guards. I have a feeling that the criminals are either one of the inconsiderate guardians of the patients or some ruthless people who pretend to be a nurse/doctor.

God save this people.

Anyways, I’ll just re-blog it (not in exact words though).

First, my blog has a new theme for the new year. It still not properly working but I’m really working on it.  I am having problems with the background of my contents.

Second, I was accepted in a company although I am not still sure about it. I’ll report first on Monday as they said and if the slot isn’t taken, I’ll be included in the January batch. If that trainee is present on Monday, I’ll start on February. The position I applied for is medical representative. Let’s hope that person chose another path to give way to this beautiful girl writing this entry. Hehehe!

Third, I also received a good news from Summit Media. Nope, they are not hiring me as a writer (but I hope to work there soon!). The publisher stated in the email that they would be sending me two books written by Miss Marla Miniano for free. It’s somewhat a prize for being one of the top TEEN bloggers. Yes, I still look like a teen. Haha!

I am really happy that my first month of the year is full of good news. God is realy good!

Fastforward this morning.

I’m not really a Makati girl and I barely go there, so yeah, I got lost. Haha. It’s as if I toured around Ayala just to look for RCBC because “Kuya FX Driver” dropped me off near Makati Medical Center and he jus taught me how to go to RCBC. So after 20 minutes of walking and asking so many security guards in every intersections and corners of the streets, I finally reached the building.

Anyways, I underwent the usual application procedures: filling up the application form, and answering the essays like, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what can you contribute to the company and etc. I was the third one who came in their office but the first one to finish the forms (Prolly because I’ve answered lots of application forms and Ialready know what to answer. Haha). I went back to the reception area and waited for the HR lady to call me.

After a few minutes, I was called for the initial interview. I didn’t expect that it was that cold in the interviewer’s office. I had second thoughts if I’ll wear my sweater. Haha. And seriously, I hated myself when I got nervous. I dunno. Maybe because it’s my first interview for the last 6 months? I hate hate hate myself. I knew that she could hear my heart pumping so loud and my stuttering voice. Argh. I think I also got pressured with my interview because I really wanted to get hired. The thought of “hey, you have to grab this” thing pressured me, I guess. Well, what’s done is done. All I have to do is to hope but not to expect. 

She told me that she’ll endorse me to the supervisor but since the supervisor wasn’t around, I would have to wait for her call. I was wondering if she said the same thing to the other applicants. Were there any applicants that she did not endorse? That’s what I do not know. I am hoping that the supervisor would get interested in me. I really did my best in answering the questions despite the stutter. Haha.

By the way, in case I get hired (let’s cross our fingers, please!), my work as a nurse would be doing the facial and slimming treatment procedures which of course wayyyy out of what I have learned in school. I’m okay with that actually since it’s really hard to look for a job in the hospitals right now. You know, I heard from a friend that even the nursing professors and clinical instructors advised the nursing students now to rest from the nursing world for a while after passing the board because of the tough competition. I think that’s true and helpful in way. I mean, if you’ll just wait for a hospital to call you, you would really have to be patient. If you want to take the NCLEX, then so be it BUT you also have to wait for the retrogression thing to be resolved. If you want in another country, you have to have at least one or two years of work experience in hospitals which, like what I said, is sort of impossible as of the moment because most of the hospitals now are not hiring. You can volunteer and undergo training but there is no assurance of getting hired immediately unless you know someone from that hospital. You know what I mean.

Now you know the reason why I tried out in a different field but still sort of related to my course. Practicality really matters today. I don’t want to turn 24 next year without a job. 

About my 2nd interview, I didn’t make it. My feet really hurt from the shoes that I wore and I can barely walk while wearing it so I had to buy new flipflops to be able to go home without “AP” walking¹

So anyways, I am hoping that they would call asap. Wish me luck. I know and I feel that God will lead me to the right work. If and when this is not for me, maybe God has another plan for me. :)

1. AP walk is one of the signals for appendicitis where in the right lower quadrant of your abdomen hurts when you take a step.