I may not have gotten a job yet in the hospital but at least, I was given a chance to be a volunteer nurse in a public hospital, which is a first time for me because I always “work” as a trainee in a private hospital. (February – May 2009)

By the time our contract as a volunteer nurse ended, I was able to get a job as a teacher for Korean students. It didn’t last as well because I decided to quit to focus more on my master’s class. Being a teacher to Koreans was helluva fun. I was able to see their culture and mingle with them and at the same time, I was able to share my Filipino traits with my Korean kids. I wonder how they are now. I miss those kids. (June – August 2009)

One thing I liked about this year is that I was able to go back to school. I met new friends, gained a lot of knowledge and learned more about my chosen field. I also get to learn more about being a good teacher. My favorite subject in my first semester as a master’s degree candidate is our Instructional Supervision. Our professor truly touched my life as a person and as a teacher. I also learned how to work on my own now. Back in college, we were always given group tasks. Now, you have to work on your own  although I know how to work as an individual but this time I don’t have subordinates (because I used to be a leader) whom I can ask for help. And oh, I am really happy that I got good grades. (June – October 2009)

I think one of the achievements I’ve gained this year is being one of the finalists in the Philippine Blog Awards 2009. I may not have grabbed a single award even though I was a finalist in four different categories but at least I was included in this contest as a finalist because not all bloggers are given an opportunity like this. I’m thinking about joining again next year. (October 2009)

Second semester is much more challenging because this is the start of our major subjects but I guess I can handle this because this is where I am more interested in. There are so many tasks to do and until now, I am trying to accomplish them all. I am enjoying it anyway so no complaints about this one. :) (November 2009 – December 2009)

In life, there would always be changes. And these changes would also help us to be strong. My December 2009 is the toughest month of all. I encountered personal problems that I thought I couldn’t handle. I was able to get through those 18 days of sadness and longing. God is really good because He answered my prayer. I guess, God really gave my boyfriend to me because I told him that if he’s not for me, then he wouldn’t come back. But he did. This year is a tough year for both of us but I am glad we’re ending this year TOGETHER.

I thought everything would end normally but something happened to me that’s really unexpected. But because of this shocking event in my life, it made me stronger. It helped me to become a fighter. I thank God for giving me this kind of strength. And I also thank God that because of this emergency surgery, I felt how much I am loved and supported by the people around me, even those people I really do not know.

So many things happened this year. It is, indeed, my productive year but also a very, very challenging one that I was able to surpass.

Every couple undergoes situations that will test their relationship. TJ and I are not exempted. For the past few weeks, our relationship was on the rocks. The day before I wrote the “TJ” entry, we decided to break up. I cried. I really cried that night that I wasn’t able to go to the hospital for my duty because of lack of sleep and weakness. At 1 am, he texted saying goodbye. At 6:30 am, I had the urge to write what my heart says. I was crying while writing that entry. And at 9:00 am, he texted again. He said that he loves me still and that he cried when he read my entry. I can’t help but burst into tears.

That same day, I was asked to pay for our Meralco bills (my parents took the opportunity while I am at home. LOL). Since the Meralco office is near a church, I decided to visit and ask for God’s guidance. When I reached the church, a mass was about to start so I decided to lengthen my stay and just hear the mass. I cried while I prayed. I told God that if he is really the one for me, he would fight for his love. And if he really wants me back, I will welcome him as long as we would go back to the way we used to be.

Right after hearing the mass, he texted me again. I somehow felt his sincerity. I felt how much he loves me. We talked over the phone. And like what I wrote in my previous entry, he would always find a way to tickle me and to make me laugh. Well, he did! And I hate him for that. He knows that he’s the only person who can make me laugh even if I am not in the mood to laugh. He asked me if I want us to be “us” again. I was hesitant a bit but I ended up welcoming him with open arms… with a few consequences though. XD

Know the song, Reunited? Well, it has been playing in my mind over and over again that I decided to name this entry after my last song syndrome. Here’s the lyrics:

I was a fool to ever leave your side
Me minus you is such a lonely ride
The breakup we had has made me lonesome and sad
I realize I love you
‘Cause I want you bad, hey, hey

I spent the evening with the radio
Regret the moment that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learning so much
I know now that I love you
‘Cause I need your touch, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

I sat here staring at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want
So you will still be mine, hey, hey

I can’t go cheating, honey, I can’t play
I found it very hard to stay away
As we reminisce on precious moments like this
I’m glad we’re back together
‘Cause I missed your kiss, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-a-a-by

Lover, lover, this is solid love
And you’re exactly what I’m dreaming of
All through the day
And all through the night

I’ll give you all the love I have
With all my might, hey, hey

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited, hey, hey

Thanks to this site for the lyrics.

I really wish that God really answered my prayer that day. I wish and I pray that this would be the last time we would argue about this certain issue. I am still praying that he’s the one for me and I am the one for him because  I don’t see myself  with another guy other than him anymore and vice versa.

Now, let’s stop this cheesy post. I’ll get back with an entry related to my profession. :D Thanks to everyone who left a comment in my previous entry.

TJ is a 22 year old guy living somewhere in Manila. He has a younger sister who he always bullies. Haha. Just kidding. He has very wonderful parents that he loves so much (I do too!). He used to be a sacristan and a skater. He is very active in church during holy week. He is an addict online gamer. He plays various browser games like Mafia Wars, My Brute, Restaurant City, and etc. But nothing beats his addictiveness to Ragnarok, an online game that makes every girlfriend jealous. Hehehe!

He’s afraid of heights. That’s why we never dated in an amusement park. I always insist him to ride on a Ferris wheel (because I love amusement park rides!) but he really doesn’t want to. His favorite food is sinigang. And he hates green peas for a reason that I do not know. Oh, he loves to cook. He is a frustrated chef. He is the official cook in their house. He loves experimenting dishes and he always brags about it.

He has this ultimate love for Earth. Don’t worry, I never got jealous about it. Hehe! He was the one who told me about Earth Hour 2009. He insisted me to participate in it. He even asked me to spread the news; thus, I blogged about it. He supports Green Peace and any other love-for-nature-related organizations. He actually wanted to participate as a volunteer in Green Peace but he declined when he found out that his job would be like that of those Green Peace mascots. Hahaha! I really laughed when he told me that story.

He loves watching TV. He likes Discovery Channel and National Geographic. He used to tease me for not having a cable TV. He was the one who introduced me to MadTV. He’s the reason why I adore Bobby Lee. Hehe. I never really liked watching Jackass on MTV but he insisted me to watch it. So now, I know who Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O and Bam Margera are. Only thing is, I just know them by name. I always forget their faces even if he always shares me the links of YouTube videos of that show.

I love his attire. He’s not like those guys who are baduy. He has this simple yet classy way of dressing up. He loves wearing collared-polo shorts paired with simple jeans and shoes/slip-ons. And oh, I really, really love his smell whether fresh from the shower or sprayed from a perfume.

He is a very, very funny guy. He loves to joke around. No dull moments with him. He doesn’t want serious and emo talks. He wants to have fun. And that was one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. Because he always put a smile on my face. He always makes me laugh. Whenever we have misunderstandings, he would find a way to tickle me (not literally though). Oh, did I tell you that he has this really cute and weird giggle?

He is a person full of dreams and aspirations. I have faith in him. I have always believed that he will reach his goals and will fulfill his dreams. I know that he would buy that red car he’s wanting to have. He’s a hardworking person and there’s no way he wouldn’t be able to achieve his plans.

My parents like him. They always describe him as a very kind person. They liked him for having a strong faith in God. He respected my parents and treated them like his own. My parents and my siblings consider him as their own son and sibling, respectively.

I always tell him that he is the best-est boyfriend in the whole world. He really is. He may have so many flaws and mistakes but I still consider him as one. He is a very protective, caring, loving and sweet boyfriend. He is a jealous guy too! But I find it cute when he gets jealous. I never hated him for being jealous. I always think that he only feels that way because he doesn’t want to lose me. He is the type of boyfriend who is full of surprises. He will always find a way to make you kilig and fall in love over and over again.

Now, you understand how I fell deeply inlove with this not-so perfect but very, very wonderful guy. No matter how much pain he has inflicted on me, I still love him more than he can imagine. I can’t explain this feeling but I still think that he is the one for me. Maybe not now, but in the future. But if I am wrong, then I’ll just let this thought go at the right time.

TJ taught me how to love. TJ made me feel how to be loved. I will never ever regret anything that happened between us because I cherish every bits and pieces of our togetherness. There’s only one thing that I regret though. I told him once that he is not my first love but my first boyfriend which made him confused. But last night, while I was thinking of what just had happened, I realized… he really is my first love. I realized that maybe those guys I thought I loved before were just infatuations. Maybe I just fell in love with the thought of loving them. But with TJ, I knew that I really love him with all my heart. I still do. My mind and my heart confirm it. He will always be my first true love. He is still the guy that I want to marry. He is still the guy that I want to grow old with.

You may think that I am such a stupid martyr. But no, I don’t think this is being stupid. This is all about loving truthfully and deeply. You know the saying, “If you’re not meant for each other, it doesn’t mean you’re not meant for each other now.” I will live by that saying. I trust God. I know that God wants the best for me. If TJ is really for me, He will make a way. If he’s not, then I would just accept it and move forward.

Right now, I will go on with my life like I used to. I will try to be strong. I will try to be a better person. I will try to spend each day of life on my own now. Yes, every now and then, I might cry. I am actually crying right now. But I will never ever hate him. I will never hate the person who loved me for who and what I am. I will never hate the person who took care of me, supported me, and loved me for one year, three months and twenty nine days. He may not be with me physically, but our sweet memories will always stay in my heart. He will always be in my heart. He will always be my true love.

Love,

Thank you for everything. I can’t list them all down because I might run out of space and words to say. Wherever you are, I hope that you are always safe. I hope that you are always in good health. Don’t forget to drink your vitamins. I know you’re stubborn. You won’t drink it unless I tell you. Please do not drink beer (or any alcoholic drinks) too much. I don’t want you to have liver cirrhosis in the future. Okay?

I know that you would reach your dreams because I know that you can do it. I have always believed in you. And I would still have faith in you.

I’m sorry for all my wrong doings. I am sorry for not being the perfect girlfriend. I am truly sorry.

Don’t worry. I wouldn’t change. I’d still be the Xyla that you know. I’d still be the Xyla that you’ve fallen in love with. I’d still be the Xyla who you used to claim for having a crush on you where in fact it’s the other way around. I’d still be me. In case our roads cross, I promise you that I will be stronger and I will be a better person.

I will miss you. I actually miss you now. I miss everything about you. Your hugs, your unexpected kisses and even your addictiveness to my tight hugs. I will miss Stoinky even if I am allergic to dogs. I will miss your mom, your dad and your sister. Be a good son and a brother, okay? My family will definitely miss you too. I can see in their faces that they are sad as well. :(

Always keep in mind those pieces of advice that I told you because I won’t forget yours too.

Thank you, love. Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much. I still do. Always have and always will.

Love,

Love.

TJ and I are not fans of Valentine’s Day dating so we didn’t meet on that particular day. He attended their barangay’s Valentine’s day party while I watched Boyce Avenue’s acoustic show at SM The Block. I was so happy and kilig to see my favorite acoustic band! I watched the show with my sister and her friend and after that, we had a dinner date at Yellow Cab. Hehe.

So when I got home, I asked TJ if he’d call. I waited for his reply but not a single text from him came. I was so mad at him for not replying. I even called him in their house but it was his sister who answered and told me that he’s outside. I know, right. So, why wasn’t he texting?! I was so frustrated that I just plurked all my frustrations about him. I poured all my feelings in my plurk and in my private blog. I slept with anger and sadness in my heart. How could he do this to me on Valentine’s day, I thought.

The next day, I planned not to text him. Haha. So while I was online, he texted me that he’s coming over but couldn’t stay long because he and his family had to visit his grandmother in Cavite. I was so sad upon reading his message but what can I do, right?

Since I wasn’t feeling well that day, I decided to take a nap while waiting for him. After a few minutes of power nap, I received a text from him, “buksan mo yung gate! (open the gate!)”. I was like, huh? I ignored the message and went back to sleep but he texted again, “Gate!”

I went downstairs and opened our house’s gate…

And there he was… smiling at me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. “Happy Valentine’s day, love!” He greeted. Aww. I was so touched and so kilig right then and there! My anger, frustrations, and sadness just vanished like a bubble that popped in the air.

I asked him why he didn’t text me. He said, it was his plan. He wanted to surprise me. Once again, his plan worked. He won. And I love him for doing that. No one can beat how he makes me kilig every now and then, even Alejandro and Fabian Manzano of Boyce Avenue. Hahaha!

TJ is my valentine. He will always be my one and only valentine. :) Here’s a pic of the bouquet of flowers:

P. S.

He liked my valentine’s day gift, by the way. :) I made a cookies and cream cheesecake for him because he loves anything with cookies and cream. Yay, my plan worked as well. :)

P. S II

Sorry for this mushy and cheesy post. Haha!

I was really excited this morning that I prepared so early and waited for TJ for more than an hour! I totally forgot that our set time was after lunch and not lunch time.

Fastforward to Gilligan’s at Trinoma.

TJ ordered three bottles of SanMig light and tokwa’t baboy while I ordered for cheese sticks and bottomless iced tea. He told me that I shouldn’t be ordering an iced tea but I insisted¹ When our orders came, I knew that my drinking challenge was already up. So I tried a few sips… but it turned out to be a gulp! Haha. TJ said, “Love, paunti-unti lang!” Haha! I know, right. I’m such a noob! Geez. TJ was giggling and laughing at me the whole time. He made comments that made me laugh out loud. I was a total laughing-stock girlfriend on our date.  Hahaha!

“Inuupakan mo yung pulutan eh! Magkanin ka kaya, love?”

“Kumain ka ba talaga?!”

“Haha! Sulit sayo yun iced tea ah. Naka-tatlong refill ka na ah.”

Believe it or not, I just focused on the pulutan rather than the beer! I was so full! Haha! We also ordered pork sisig but because it has mayonnaise on it², I refused to finish it up. I wasn’t able to drink all the bottle, just 3/4 of it, because my bladder was about to burst! I couldn’t hold it anymore³!

This is really an experience to remember. For some, it may just be an ordinary drinking session… but for me, this is something. This is part of my to-do list and I achieved it. You may find this very shallow, but who cares? LOL. This actually means that I can also do the other things listed, right? Wee. Now when will I be able to learn how to swim?

1. in case, I can’t do the challenge, I’ll just drink iced tea instead of beer. Hehe!
2. I don’t like mayo on sisigs!
3. thanks to the ever diuretic beer and iced tea

TJ, my boyfriend, is not my ideal guy. And he would never ever be my ideal guy. Haha! I’m so mean. He’s just the opposite of who I am. He’s a funny (well, I guess I am funny in my own way!), naughty, and stubborn guy. I once told him that if ever we were classmates in college, I don’t think I’d let him court me nor pass as my boyfriend. But despite those negative traits he has, he never fails to make me fall inlove over and over again. Thus, he passed the are-you-Xyla’s-dream-guy test.

Anyways, I really don’t want to be mushy in this entire entry. I just want to introduce to you my new website, likedreamersdo.org. (PLEASE VISIT!) Haha! What a segue, I know! I got the domain from the song, Like Dreamers Do by The Beatles. Like what I’ve said there in my first entry, I fell inlove with the lyrics and the meaning behind though the melody is retro-ish.

Well, I guess dreams really come true – whether in love or life. You just have to have faith in them.

So as I said in my previous entry, I already received the free books that Summit Media sent me. I decided to read Every Girls Guide to Heartache¹ first because I was, literally & figuratively, in heartache yesterday. Haha!

The story is well-written. No need to grab a dictionary from your book shelf just to understand the words used in the story. And because I am a sucker for happy endings, I loved how Miss Marla, the author, wrote the story’s resolution.

So, would that be fine as my short book review? Haha. I told you. I ain’t good at doing this.

Although Anna, the main character of the story, is only sixteen, I still can relate with her even though I am almost eight years older than her. Maybe because I acted that way when I was still a teen. (Ugh. Why can’t be a teenager forever?) TJ may be my first real boyfriend ever, but I am just like the other girls who loved a man who didn’t love me back or let’s say, who loved me back but didn’t fight for it for some lame reasons.

I, like the other girls, have undergone the 5 stages of grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross². This may not be discussed in the story but if you’ve read the book and have noticed on how she faced the my-boyfriend-left-me-and-now-I-seriously-do-not-know-how-to-face-life-without-him situation, you would agree with me that Anna really underwent the five stages of grieving (as far as I know this is not only applicable to death and dying issues).

When you get heartbroken, don’t hinder yourself from letting all your emotions out or don’t hate yourself for having puffy eyes every morning. That’s normal. And I swear, it’s healthy. I’d rather cry it all out rather than get totally insane and be sent to mental hospital for rehabilitation. BUT make sure that you don’t dwell on your heartbroken-ness (if there’s such a word) forever³. And also, don’t rush yourself to move on. Not even a superhero can move on in a snap. We all need to undergo the grieving process. We will experience that – whether we like it or not.

Always remember this quote, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end“. Being heartbroken really sucks, but doesn’t it feel good when you’ve totally got through it and you’re finally ready to start anew? Whether you came from a bitter or smooth break-up, what’s important is that you have learned a lot from that situation like dealing with heartaches and correcting mistakes done in the past. Being heartbroken doesn’t leave you like a trash ready to be thrown in a bin. It makes you a better and stronger person. It directs you to the brighter side. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe that person isn’t really for you. Maybe God is molding you into a more improved girlfriend/boyfriend for your next relationship that will last for a lifetime.

1. Thanks to Summit Media for the image.
2. I met her in my Psychiatric Nursing subject. She’s one of my favorite theorists or whateveryoucall’em
3. like what I always advise to my “clients”  in my seek-for-an-advice thread in TeenTalk

During the rite of peace, as we were greeting each other with “Peace be with you”, I heard the old man saying “I’m sorry” to his wife with a kiss on the forehead. Isn’t that sweet? It’s one of the sweetest and touching scenes I’ve ever witnessed.

I don’t know but for some reasons, guys find it hard to apologize for their mistakes. I noticed it with my dad, my brother and some guy friends. And even TJ, I witnessed how it is hard for him to say “I’m sorry” everytime we have misunderstandings.

Few weeks ago, our relationship was really on the rocks. I had sleepless nights and puffy eyes for how many days. I felt my Christmas would be gloomy but I guess, our love for each other didn’t let our relationship end just like that. I apologized for my mistakes when we talked over the phone. He didn’t. But to my surprise, he texted me and said sorry. Maybe he realized that he also had failures in our relationship. Well, past is past. We’re starting anew now after we celebrated our very first anniversary yesterday in Subic with his family.

I gave him a scrapbook  with twelve pics representing each month that we were together. I am happy that he liked it. Actually, I was sad the whole day because he didn’t greet me as soon as he and his family picked me up at our house. I hated him for begging him to greet me. (I know, pathetic much.) And the only response that I got from him was a smile and a very sweet hug. Well, TJ is a guy full of surprises. He greeted me when they brought me home. It’s part of his plan. Although it wasn’t the way he planned it because my father showed up. Haha! At least, he made an effort.

I am happy. I am really happy and I know you can feel the kiligness in me while reading this entry. I thank God for giving me a not-so perfect but a very, very wonderful guy. I hope that we’ll grow old together just like the sweet old couple I met in the church.

Again, happy anniversary to my one and only love. :)