She was assisted by 3 people while others asked for help. Blood and amniotic fluid gushed from her private part. Her pair of shorts were actually wet from blood. Some people just watched the commotion  while others didn’t care at all. I knew I have to do something. But… it’s been years since I assisted in delivery. I was scared! I was afraid of doing harm! I was worried about my license getting revoked. I don’t even have scissors nor alcohol with me to sterilize my hands since I don’t bring gloves in ordinary days. I wanted to help. I watched the people if they are doing something to help. And so…

I immediately went down stairs to look for help. I looked for policemen because I always see policemen below that foot bridge. Then I saw a security guard and asked if there were any policemen around. “Kuya! May mga pulis ba dito? Kelangan ko ng tulong. May manganganak po sa overpass at kailangan po siyang dalhin kaagad sa hospital!” The security guard ignored me and just said, “tanungin mo na lang yung mga tambay dyan!” God, he doesn’t even care! I went to the nearest barangay hall but no one is around too! I tried my best to help. But… it didn’t work. :(  The last thing I know is that the woman was taken to the nearest hospital.

I entered the premises of FEU with guilt and worry. I was actually shaking as I entered the gate because of panic. I know I could have done something. I know I can’t handle delivery just like that, like on the spot. I am not expert in labor and delivery. I actually hated  my Maternal and Child Nursing subject. And now, I feel guilty for not doing anything. :( I feel that I am not good enough. Like what if I am in an emergency situation again?

I always thought that I am a competitive nurse. But this afternoon, I felt like I am a dumb nurse. :(

I hope the baby and his/her mom are okay. Please help me pray for them.

Just because I am not allowed to carry heavy things nor turn patients every 2 hours, doesn’t mean I am not qualified as an ICU nurse. I know that part of the routine care is turning the patient but I don’t think I cannot do the other nursing interventions.

In case you do not know yet, I’ve always wanted to work in an intensive care unit or a coronary care unit. I want challenges. I want practicing my critical thinking skills. If you think that my capacity is only in the wards, I respect that. But I just want you to know that I am the type of nurse who likes to be busy/toxic than to be bored. Yes, I hate the routine care but I believe that working in the ICU exposes me to different situations that I should learn for future use.

I really hope that my limitations because of my health wouldn’t affect my performance evaluation. Please don’t be too biased.

Love,

your trainee

To tell you honestly, I am not enjoying my training in this private hospital. Maybe because I am tired of being just a trainee. For the past three years, I’ve been in and out of the hospital as a trainee and sometimes I feel embarrassed and/or humiliated whenever they ask me why I wasn’t hired. For the past three years, I never knew anyone from the hospital. I don’t have a “connection” with someone in the hospital. This time, I was very lucky to find one. But then, I am not the type of person who doesn’t care about doing the job effectively just because I got in easily (as a trainee). Even though I don’t like to work in the hospital for now as a trainee, I still continue to attend the training and try to make an impression because I don’t want the “backer” to think that I don’t deserve the position. And most of all, I am handling human beings and I don’t want to jeopardize their lives just because I am incompetent.

I am really disappointed with some of my seniors because  I thought that since this is a private hospital, I’ll be able to see/witness that the nursing procedures will be performed ideally than in the public hospital. Unfortunately, they do it wrong. They don’t perform some of the procedures in an ideal way because one of their reasons is that they don’t have much time. But when I try to observe them, they have a lot of time to chitchat with each other. How can that happen?

One time, a staff nurse asked me how do I take the pulse rate of the patient. I said that I do it in full minute when I have a lot of time. She told me that, “No, you can just do it in 15 seconds and multiply it by 4.” Then I reasoned out, “I do that ma’am if I don’t feel or hear any skipping beats but if there’s a deviation from normal, I do it in full minute.” She didn’t reply after that.

One thing that discourages me from continuing is that they sometimes teach me the wrong thing and I have nothing to do but to follow them. I feel sad for the patients. I can’t accept the fact that they think they are competent and they have the guts to teach me what to do with this and that when they don’t really know what they are talking about.

Sigh. I really wish this training will end as soon as possible. I can’t wait for April to end. And I can’t wait for June to start because we will be having our Clinical Residency as our practicum in our MA. :) I feel excited more about it than my training.

So, right now… I am on a backer hunting instead of job hunting. Just kidding! Haha! I still job hunt. It sucks that every time a hospital gives me a chance to get an experience through a volunteer or training program, there’s always this you-should-get-a-backer-now thing going on inside the institution. That’s the reason why no matter how hardworking I am during my duty days, I still don’t succeed in getting hired. No matter how good my evaluation is, it is always disregarded. It’s really unfair because there are other nurses who are more deserving of those positions. Yes, I’m getting bitter again but I’ll tell you where these are all coming from…

There are staff nurses who are not being effective and efficient with their work. They reason out that they can’t do the ideal procedure anymore because they lack time and they have so many patients to attend to. I understand that but is their reasoning really acceptable? You know the saying, “if there’s a will, there’s a way.” Hello, miss and mister nurses? Your patients are not animals. They are human beings like you who feel pain, who suffer from pain… Don’t reason out that they are not paying you for what you are doing… Actually, they are paying you through their taxes. Let’s say they don’t pay the taxes… But if you were in their shoes… What would you feel?

It’s disappointing that those who got their jobs easily are the ones who take advantage of their luck. I hope that they prove their backers that they deserve their position by doing what is right even if the working place is not as ideal as what we are expecting.

I pity the mothers who are emotionally and financially suffering because of their kids’ illnesses. I once saw my mom cry when I was in the hospital. Mothers would usually say, “Ako na lang sana nagkasakit kaysa ang anak ko…”

I can not believe that there are still some people who can do this to such people. You know what I mean? They could have helped them rather than add more burden. I also can not believe that despite the security in the hospital, there are still evils who can get away with the guards. I have a feeling that the criminals are either one of the inconsiderate guardians of the patients or some ruthless people who pretend to be a nurse/doctor.

God save this people.

In behalf of my colleagues (staff nurses and co-volunteers), I am writing to express my feelings towards you. Please recharge yourselves with understanding and empathy because this letter is not written just to catch anyone’s attention. This is a letter to serve as a reminder… or probably a lesson to some of you.

First of all, we, volunteer nurses, are not your slaves. You can not just reprimand us whenever you want because we are not under your supervision. If you would like to request something that you want us to do for you, you can always ask us in a good way. Remember the word, “please” or “paki” in Tagalog? I don’t think it is right to raise your eyebrows while talking to us. We always give you respect. Is it hard to do the same thing?

Second, nurses have their own assessment. We have our own nursing process. We have our own brains. We won’t be able to get our own LICENSES if we don’t know how to assess. You can clarify our assessments with us but I don’t think it is proper to criticize our assessments as if we’re like grade school students. We accept criticisms but just the constructive ones. Just because you are a MEDICAL STUDENT, it doesn’t mean you are always right. Remember, we are LICENSED NURSES. You don’t have a single license yet… probably just a driver’s license? I may sound bragging here but that’s what you actually did to us. You bragged that your assessment is so much better than us. Pfft. Okay, I will let this pass but always remember that karma strikes back really fast.

Third, nurses are supposedly your allies. Don’t treat us as if you’re the one who’s paying us. You are not our god. Just because we follow your orders, you’d treat us, again, like your slaves. Geez. You’re still on your med school and as early as now, you don’t know how to collaborate with us in a good way, in the right way. How will you be able to attain the good nurse-doctor relationship in the future if you don’t know to apply good manners and right conduct now?

Fourth, my hand is not a trash bin. And once a pair of gloves is used, it is considered unsterile. Can you explain this to me? Why in the world you threw the used gloves on my hands? What’s your purpose of doing it to me? Is it because I AM JUST A MERE VOLUNTEER NURSE? I really don’t get it. You are a very, very rude clerk. Sorry to say but you won’t be one of those doctors that the nurses and the patients will look up to. You would probably be the doctor who only wants to earn money. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Fifth, our nurse supervisor deserves respect from anyone of us. You were confronted to teach you a lesson. How dare you to disrespect our nurse supervisor. Is that what your parents taught you? To shout at the elders? I think you should go back to your grade school to learn more about RESPECT.

Sixth, to all the clerks who are very, very nice, I salute you. To all the clerks whom I’ve seen with real compassion and dedication with their work, I am proud of you. It sucks that I envy you for being a med student. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. You actually encouraged me to continue my dreams but I guess, being a nurse is what God really wants me to be. But really, thank you for the bonding time. Thank you. :) I know and I feel that you will be great doctors someday. Good luck and God bless.

Seventh, to you… it hurts me to know that you have a girlfriend. I wish we could have talked more often than just looking at each others’ eyes. Hahaha! I am just kidding. My boyfriend will get mad for posting this seventh message. Please disregard this paragraph. XD

Well, that’s all. I hope that you take this letter into consideration. Till here. See you tomorrow at the ward.

Respectfully yours,

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those people who voted for me in those two categories. It’s amazing that people find me inspiring despite my imperfection and strictness in the forum. XD This may be a small-time-awards thing but for me, it meant so much because it’s kind of an evaluation of yourself especially that the categories I was included are the big time¹ ones. I wish I could use this in my resume though. Hehe!

Once again, thank you, TeenTalkers. :)

Credits to untamed77angel aka Gel of Teentalk for the captured page of Candy magazine April 2009 ish.

Like what I always blog here, no matter what happens you have to be patient with the patients and their family/guardians. Even if we are so dead tired, we should still give them the right treatment that they deserve. I do understand what the father feels. I pity him. I actually kept quiet while all the fuss was going on. I didn’t like what happened. I was so disappointed of the nurses and those people who shouted at him. The social service employee even said, “Tawagin niyo nga yun security! Ilabas niyo yang taong yan!!” Like what the eff! Are you even a VIP to utter those words? For me, it was so degrading. The father wasn’t even hurting her or what. He was just asking… and shouting. But I don’t really think it’s best to say that in that kind of situation.

You know, I was so upset that I couldn’t help but tell my mom about it. I told her that my co-volunteers may not understand my point but I am still fighting for the right treatment. They deserve it. You know the saying, pag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng tinapay. I’ve always applied that in my life. Every time a patient demands or gets mad, I still talk in a nicer way. And you know what happens next? They lower down their voice and talk in a nicer way too. That is what I am pointing out. If you treat the people right, they would also do the same.

Well, I’ve always believed in karma. Whatever you give or show to the people around you, it will always come back to you. I am happy that no matter how many problems I have and no matter how many financial expenses my family has, we are still blessed. I guess you already know why. And I ain’t bragging about this. It’s a lesson. Not just for me, but for all of us. And it’s up to you if you would take it into consideration.

1. I don’t know how to name it so I’ll just use big time

I texted Mitchie² and asked her how they’re doing. I found out that only she and Diane are present. The other four members of our group, including me, are absent. Like me, they are also not feeling well.

She told me that they are already tired and busy ventilating this certain patient who was abandoned by his/her family. I feel so sorry for them. I apologized for not showing up. I could have helped them.

Let me tell you about the Medicine Ward, where we are currently assigned since last week. It is divided into three categories, the dirty (where all the pneumonia, tuberculosis and other air-borne diseases are), clean (any disease that aren’t required to wear a mask for protection) and the “ICU”. Yes, ICU with quotation marks.

Supposedly, an ICU should be well-ventilated. All of the ICUs I have been to are air-conditioned. But in this hospital, it is not. Actually, there is a real ICU which is air-conditioned but I bet it’s for the patients who can afford to pay for the hospital services. I am not sure about that yet. Anyway, the ICU ward³ is just ventilated by two electric fans which is soooo dirty and rusty. A real ICU should have a cardiac monitor, infusion pumps and mechanical ventilator. In the ICU ward, I only saw one infusion pump which is understandable. But you know what’s saddening? They don’t have mechanical ventilators in it.

What is a mechanical ventilator? It’s a machine that assists a patient to breathe 24/7. So how do those patients breathe spontaneously without a mechanical ventilator? They are ventilated by their relatives/guardians/family manually by an ambubag. Sad, right? Imagine a person pressing an ambubag 24/7. Who wouldn’t get tired?

I pity the patients as well as their relatives. All of them are sleep deprived. They also have shifts like us, nurses. But what can they do? They don’t have the money to pay for the real ICU. We can’t blame the hospital too because they don’t have enough equipment that they need due to lack of funds allotted by the government.

I wonder how our CORRUPT politicians can take this reality. Are they even aware what these patients are going through? I’m so disappointed that they still have the guts to corrupt while there are patients who can not receive the kind of health care that they deserve.

Well, reality really sucks.

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1. very, very H-O-T!
2. my co-volunteer
3. let’s call it ICU ward so you won’t be confused

Anger – I am so pissed with some junior interns (clerks), staff nurses, and resident doctors. Just because it is a public hospital, the ideal procedures, rules and the like are not followed. There was this one pregnant patient who just came in who had a very high blood pressure. The relatives said that the amniotic sac¹ already ruptured. From what I’ve learned in school, once the amniotic sac ruptures, it is very important to attend to the patient. This is one of the signs that the baby will come out from the mother’s womb. So I approached the ER clerks and resident doctors and told them about her case. That time, they were all so busy because a lady just gave birth in the ER. I insisted them to come and see the patient, at least one of them. I was so thankful that a clerk decided to attend the patient’s needs… but after a minute or so, I was so disappointed of him. He told us, “matagal pa yan!” What?! This patient has gave birth for five times in the past years and the sac had already ruptured! Plus, she has a very high blood pressure that is very dangerous to her health. How come you’d react that way? I was so worried but I couldn’t do anything… so I just waited… And then suddenly, I heard the residents shouting at the clerks… “Sino ito?! Anong ginagawa niya dito?!! Bakit di nyo sinabi!! BILISAN NYO! DALHIN NIYO NA SA DR²! G6³ na pala ito!! Ano ba! Bakit walang nagsabi!! Palabas na yung bata!!!” The next thing I know, I was running with the staff nurse, two clerks who kept shouting at the patient not to bear down and my co-volunteer while we were taking the patient on the stretcher to the DR. I could hear my heart beating rapidly. I was so mad! I did tell the clerk about the patient! And he just ignored it. Damn!

Grief – We had another patient this morning who just gave birth with a 5-month-fetus. It was a miscarriage. I saw the  fetus on the adult diaper. The fetus isn’t fully developed yet so it was all bloody. I’ve seen aborted babies a couple of times but I couldn’t help to get teary-eyed every time I see babies being aborted due to some unexpected circumstances. Then my co-volunteer heard the woman said to her husband, “Sorry, pa.” =(

Another incident, a man had a silent heart attack. He just drunk alcohol the night before then the next day, he couldn’t breathe and passed out. We were all wondering why the wife didn’t look worried. We were so amazed that she stayed calm while watching her husband being revived through CPR⁴. When the doctors tried to perform ECG, the machine just printed out a flat line. He’s dead on arrival. And you know what happened? When the doctors told the wife that he’s gone, she just shouted and cried. I assumed that she thought that they could still revive his husband. She was so crying out loud. I could feel the pain. She even shouted, “Ako yun may sakit eh!! Hindi ikaw! Bakit ikaw ang nauna?!! Bakit mo kame iniwan kaagad!!” I couldn’t help but cry while watching a telenovela-like scenario. I controlled my tears but they just started rolling down my cheeks. Gosh, I hate scenarios like this!

Excitement – Thanks to some staff nurses who were so understanding and cooperative. =D They let us do some nursing procedures even if we were only told by the training officers to OBSERVE. They told us not to tell the “authorities” about violating the rules… Haha! XD  Of course, we wouldn’t tell them. This is what we wanted in the first place! Act like a staff nurse! I just wish we won’t get caught again. Hehehe!

We only have two days left in the ER. We will be rotated next week in another ward. I’ll miss ER… everything about it – the mixed emotions, the thrill, and also the air-conditioned surrounding⁵.

1. a sac that is full of fluid, called amniotic fluid, in which the baby develops
2. delivery room
3. pregnant for 6 times
4. cardiopulmonary resuscitation
5. because the other wards are just using electric fans

After a few hours, the mother came back. All the nurses and doctors questioned her about what she did. I didn’t expect that the doctors could be so harsh. There was  even this one doctor¹ who told her this, “Hindi ka karapat-dapat na maging ina! Hindi mo na makukuha sa amin ang anak mo!” (You don’t deserve to be a mom! You won’t get your baby from us anymore!) Whoa! I know that what the mother did was totally wrong² but for me, it isn’t just right to tell a mother that she wouldn’t be able to get her baby anymore. It’s not their possession, okay?

This incident isn’t unusual in public hospitals. I’ve heard that there were a lot of mothers who abandoned their newborn babies in the previous months and years. Why? Probably because of: a) lack of money, b) unwanted pregnancy and/or c) mental illness.  You see, if these mothers aren’t ready for having a new baby then don’t make a baby! Don’t commit unprotected sexual intercourse or just abstain from doing the deed! That’s really an easy thing to do but really hard to follow because of raging hormones.

Despite the abandonment, I also see it as a blessing for a couple who can’t have a baby. I asked one of the nurses what would happen to the abandoned babies. She said that the DSWD³ will keep the baby and give it to the respective orphanages or to couples who are willing to adopt a child and give him/her the bright future. We should thank God for these wonderful people.

Having a baby takes a lot of responsibility. It isn’t just about feeding and bathing him/her. It’s also about giving him/her the love, care and support that he/she deserves. It’s about guiding and directing him/her to right path so that in the future, he/she will become a good parent as well.

Oh, about the mother? Well, she got her baby. Our assistant nurse supervisor told her to go home since the mother always abscond from the hospital – which is another story I will tell soon.

Picture taking with the baby :) Look how elated I was! Haha

1. I don’t know if she’s a consultant or a resident doctor
2. she reasoned out that she didn’t have anyone to get her food or anything that she need so she just left the baby to the patient beside her, who apparently didn’t inform the staff nurses about it, and did all the tasks by herself.
3. Department of Social Welfare and Development