My mom saw my bag that I bought from Vigan, my accessories with sentimental value that I covered with a zip-locked plastic and a new face powder given by my aunt, a dermatologist, in her bag. She confronted our helper about it. Our helper asked for forgiveness so my mom just ignored what she did and forgave her right away.

Since she has this history of stealing from us, before she went home, my mom did not hesitate to inspect her bag and clothes she’s wearing. Actually, my mom does that ever since to our helpers. You may think that it’s improper but that’s her rules, anyways. She’s just doing that to make sure that our helpers don’t steal anything from us even if it’s a single strand of a thread from our clothes. My mom is a generous person BUT you have to ask for her permission if you want to get something. Stealing is against the 10 commandments - that’s what she taught us since we were kids.

You know what my mom saw this time? A new cellphone, a money that’s worth P2,700.00, a pack of medicine tablets, my sports bra and othersss. My mom asked her where she got it. She lied the first time she was asked but with my mom’s follow-up questions, her answers became contradicting and so my mom got really suspicious. I swear, you really can not lie to my mom that’s why I grew up not lying to her because I know what she’s capable of. Haha! She’s the typical military-like disciplinarian parent. Anyway, back to the story. She insisted her to admit where she really got all those things and then finally, she admitted that she stole those from us. She brought a second-hand cellphone using the money she stole from my mom’s bag. The money that she stole, according to her, was worth P7,000. Whoa!

Now, everything’s clear. We already know the reason why our mom used to ask us about the money in her wallet because she can’t remember if she lost or misplaced it. Although I do not believe that that’s the only amount she stole from us, it’s good that she’s really scheduled to go home today because if it was extended, I am sure that there are more things that she can get from us. What a professional!

What’s really disappointing from what happened is that we treated her like a family. We did not make her feel that she’s a maid, a helper or a low person. My mom treated her like her own daughter and that was how she returned the gratitude. My mom actually wanted to send her to the police station but because she still pities her despite what happened, she just asked my dad to drop her off at the bus station.

When she left, my mom told us, “Kahit ganon ginawa nya sa akin, naaawa pa rin ako sa batang iyon. Siguro nagawa nya yun dahil nga sa hirap ng buhay nila… Kawawang bata.” I actually feel what my mom feels.  I still pity her. I didn’t get mad at her, you know.

When I watch news about someone robbing the bank or snatching cellphone from a person, their reason is always because of poverty. For me, you can do a lot of things just to earn without committing a crime. If there’s a will, there’s a way. These people should put in their minds that they should not make such crimes an option to survive.  Stealing is not an excuse. I hope our ex-helper and those people like her would repent about the bad things they have done in their lives and start anew.

I remember someone telling me this: “Hindi sa lahat ng oras dapat pairalin ang pagiging tama. Hindi sa lahat ng oras yun tamang gawin ang dapat mong gawin…”

I, of course, disagree. I have always believed in this saying, “Doing what is right is always the right thing to do.” And let me just add something: because every good and right things that you do will always come back to you…

You know for the past few days, I have been complaining about my life again. Why do I have to have endometriosis? Why can’t I find the right job? Why do I have to suffer and face these challenges? But the thought of what happened to the mother and her baby makes me thankful (despite the problems) that at least God gave me the chance to live, to encounter depressing and blissful moments, to learn to value things that can not be bought by money, and to learn to love and to feel being loved by the most wonderful people on earth.

I might not get everything that I want now but someday, somewhere, I will fulfill all my goals and dreams… Just one step at a time… One step at a time…

Oh, Life! I still love you, you know…

It was my first time to attend a Candy Fair and when I and TJ went there, we were like “Ohmygod. Ang tanda natin para dito…” LOL. Most of the attendees were high school girls who flaunted their bonggang bonggang attires. I saw in their faces the excitement to see the Candy cuties, the bands, the celebrities and the Candy staff.

So when we got in, the aura of the place was verrrryyyy highschool-ish. Booths were everywhere! Too bad, the marriage booth was for the Candy cuties only because I wanted to try it out with TJ. Haha! Jail both was also present. I was “imprisoned” for committing this crime: wearing a headband. Every now and then, they would get girls who’s wearing this and that, y’know, the typical come-with-me-coz-you’re-wearing-insertanitemhere.  There were also stalls there where you could buy kikay stuffs, bags, clothes, etc. - in short, fashion items. I wanted to buy this long necklace but it’s too expensive… for my budget that day. Hehehe!

Another thing, there’s this message board or freedom wall - whatever you call it. At first, it was clean, and organized but I was really disappointed when I saw it later that afternoon. It was all black - literally. I did not expect that Candy girls would write over the written names or messages. I mean, what the heck, why did you have to do that? Don’t they have any respect or ethics? I thought they’re poised and all because of how they dress and look but that messy, vandalized-looking wall unleashed their jologs side in them. Haha. If they read this, I really do not care. I’m just telling the truth that it’s not really right to do that. Do you think the staff would be interested to keep it? How could they read your messages, in the first place?

Anyways, here’s my DS-ed (digital scrapbook) pics:

Next part, the awarding. :D

I approached Miss Macy (who’s veryyyy pretty in person, by the way) when I saw her. I asked her about the awarding and she told me to go back the stage at around 4pm. So TJ and I decided to eat outside the hall first. When we’re in the middle of our meal, Miss Macy texted me and told me to go back to the stage that very moment. Ohmygod. I seriously panicked. I did not enjoy my food, I swear. We went back to the venue as fast as we could because we thought the awarding will start right away. Unfortunately, it was delayed (or probably they just want us to be there that time so we could prepare or whatsoever). We, Sabrina (who’s really nice and I am so happy to meet her in person) and I, waited at the backstage with all these celebrities and Candy cuties that I just ignore. Haha. I told you, I just went there because of the awarding and not because I am after the cuties, unlike those Candy girls (peace!).

When the awarding started, I felt really nervous when they were talking about the blog awards. I prayed that they won’t interview me or something because I might stutter and I don’t want another most embarrassing moment to be added in my list. When they announced my name (thank God, they did not have any glitch with pronouncing it), I went up the stage, received my certificate, said thank you, smiled infront of the cameras, and said thank you again before I left. Hehe!

Here’s the DS-ed pic of the awarding ceremony:

Thanks Ada, Sabrina’s sister, for the pics. :)

Since the awarding was over, TJ and I decided to go home but we waited for some online friends first. While waiting, we saw Mikee Lee, who’s cute pala in person. I used to ignore him on TV and when I saw him in person, I hate to admit that I was starstrucked. Since my certificate didn’t have his signature that time (prolly because he’s late), I did not hesitate to let him sign it. He’s really nice. He remembered our blogs! Yay! Your resident nurse got really kilig while chatting with him. (Don’t get jealous, love. *grins*)

All in all, I honestly can not say that I had so much fun with the event but what made me really happy is that I was able to meet my online buddies in person. The first that I met was Jam, who’s a TeenTalker and a Lunatic member, as well. She’s an official photographer in the said event. I can’t wait to see the pics she took. Then second was Ana, the owner of Anagon Collections. I am happy that I was able to personally thank her with the accessories she sent me as a thank you gift for making her sister’s business a layout. Too bad, I don’t have pics with Jam and Ana. I forgot, I forgot. Tss.  Then I also met Jane and Gracie, my old TeenTalk buddies. I met them before but I was very happy to see them again. After the awarding, Bea, an old TeenTalk friend-slash-neice, approached me. Wow! After all these years, we have finally met and talked face to face! Bea’s now part of the Candy Council of Cool 8. I was so proud of her as a TeenTalk auntie when she told me she got in. Mheems, a COC8 member as well, approached me too and introduced herself. I did not know that she’s Mheems who I had the chance to talk to in TeenTalk. I also met my very makulit anak-anakan, Ayessa, who was sort of thrilled when she saw me. Haha! Cute Ayessa! I am happy that I met her too!

Another thing that made me happy is that I had the chance to talk and have pictures with the Candy staff. Well, not all of them. They’re so pretty, accommodating and nice. You know when I was in high school, I’ve always dreamed of working in Candy but was not able to  fulfill that because I chose the other path, medical field. Although it’s still an honor that they promoted me as a senior moderator in TeenTalk. I am happy with that already. At least, I get to talk or chat with them online. Hehe.

Here’s my DS-ed pics with the names I stated above:

So that’s all. I can’t promise that I’ll be in the next Candy Fair but I am hoping to meet more online friends in person. I want to take this opportunity to thank all the Candy staff for the wonderful event and for the certificate. I also want to thank AGAIN all the judges, readers and voters during the contest. Thank you for supporting me and voting for me (and my blog) to win the People’s Choice category.

Till my next blog entry. Ciao!

P.S.

Please welcome my new hostee, Karizza. :)

P.P.S

New layout for NURSECISSISM! :D

They will be awarding us, winners of Candy Teen Blog Awards 2008, at the said event. Seriously, I was not “thrilled” about it. Seriously. Why? Because I was expecting a private dinner that they promised a couple of months ago. Although, I do understand their point because of the busy schedule of the judges. So tomorrow, I would be like facing the people just to accept my certificate for winning the People’s Choice category. I don’t know why I am so nervous about it. Maybe because I am not used to facing a crowd anymore. I mean, it was agesss ago when I last went up stage and performed. Haha. PLUS these are not just the normal crowd you know. Celebrities, models and other personalities would be there. Gahhhhddd. Nahihiya ako. HAHAHAHA. *inhale, exhale*

On the lighter note, at least I would be able to experience attending a Candy Fair at least once in my life. LOL. Ever since I became a moderator in TeenTalk, the members there always ask me if I’ll go and would follow up more questions why I’m not going. Hehehe! It’s really flattering reading messages that they want to meet me in person. Like hello? I ain’t a celebrity. I don’t even look like a celebrity. HAHAHA. One thing that excites me is to meet the ones I talk to over the net. I can’t wait to meet them in person.

So tomorrow will be the fair. I promise to blog about it and post some pics. Wish me luck. I hope I won’t fall off the stage or something. =))

Yesterday,  I went to the clinic for my follow up ultrasound. I was asked to undergo ultrasound after 6 months of my operation to check my ovaries’ status.

While waiting for my turn, I chatted with some women older than me and asked each others’ cases. The lady next to me also has endometriosis like me that’s why we can relate with each other.

Fastforward to my result. (Excited much? Hehe)

The OB-Gyne sonologist found out that I have a polycystic right ovary which wasn’t mentioned to me before. Meaning, this is a new case for me. My left ovary, on the other hand, has a vague feature which could be a normal corpus luteum (prolly because I am in my luteal phase of my menstrual cycle) OR an endometrial cyst.

I am very saddened about this news. I do not know yet how did this happen because I will be meeting my OB-Gyne to explain to me the result of my UTZ (short for ultrasound) later this afternoon.

Polycystic ovary is the leading cause of infertility. That’s what scares me the most. I wish I could have a baby in the future, even just one baby. Oh please, Lord. =(

One morning, we saw her crying after talking to our patient’s grandmother. Our patient is the son of the mother who died in the delivery room. Please check my post, A Mother’s Sacrifice, to know the story. The baby is still trying to fight for his life but he’s bleeding here and there. I felt the pain she’s feeling when she told the grand mom about the baby’s condition. I, too, could not control my tears when ever I hear or tell stories that are really touching or sad.

I feel that this resident doctor would really be a great consultant someday. And I hope that she would be able to inspire more people like what she did to me.

“Yan, si Xyla, magaling yan!”

“Kayang kaya yan ni Xyla!”

“Si Xyla pa?!”

I feel really flattered hearing those words but that doesn’t mean that I am an airhead now. I still keep my foot on the ground, like what my mom always advise me. The only thing that I don’t like is that they always assign me to “toxic” patients.  Haha!

We will be graduating from our training at the end of this month. I am so excited because I want to apply as a volunteer so that I can get hired there as soon as possible. I will be volunteering without pay for a month then I will be evaluated after that. If I passed their evaluation, they could hire me as an on call nurse. And then… I will be evaluated again before they would make me a regular staff nurse. That’s the process. Is it long? I know right. But if I want to get hired, I have to have patience.

In my almost 3 months of training, I can say that I have improved in my nursing skills. I don’t feel like I have butterflies in my stomach whenever I talk to the doctors anymore. I feel confident in what I do. Even if I am all alone, I think I could handle my patients now. Unlike before, I have to ask for my senior or clinical instructor’s assistance.

I thank the hospital administration and the nursing service office for letting us handle our patients. Even though we know that one of the reasons that they are letting us to handle patients, unlike in the other hospitals, is that they are understaffed. Although I or we feel that we are just being used or taken for granted by some staff nurses, at least we learn. I learned a lot. And that’s what matters.

If I will evaluate myself, without being biased, I can say that I am a better and improved nurse now apart from being a better person.

P.S.

Hey guys and girls. Want to win a 500$ cash and a 100$ worth of Nature Cure’s products? Why don’t you join their contest? Interested? Click this: Clear Confidence Face-off.  If you win in this contest, you can appear in some ads and the website’s face of Nature’s Cure. Just go to that website I indicated and follow the instructions. Deadline of passing of applications and requirements will be on the 30th of this month but you can check the site from time to time in case they would extend it. There is really nothing to lose in joining this contest so I encourage you to try it out as your stepping stone to getting known or being a model. :)

Last night, the trainees in Pedia Ward didn’t show up so automatically, they pulled out the trainees from the other wards. We really hate being pulled out because the problem is that we might miss the “case”. Since we are trainees, we are supposed to learn from our hospital experience. How are we going to learn if we won’t see the important cases, right?

So yeah, I was pulled out as expected but you know where I was pulled out? At the hospital’s owner’s room. I was pulled out as a private duty nurse. They want someone who is responsible enough to handle the patient. At first, I didn’t want to not because of my reason I stated above, but because “she” is “*her name here*”. She is a well known pediatrian in the Philippines, the first Filipina who was able to study in Harvard and many firstssss. I forgot the others. Imagine the pressure on me. Haha. I was like, “what if she’ll get dyspneic?”, “What if something happens?” Hahaha. The supervisor assured me that she is stable. She’s 96 years old, by the way.

Anyways, my night shift was okay. Since it is was a night shift, I was able to sleep for like 6 hours. Hahaha. I loved it. Although she woke up at around 12 midnight because she felt hungry. After her relative fed her, we went back to sleep. I woke up at around 4:30 am to prepare her other meds for the day and to complete the forms I have to fill-up.

She, my patient, is really nice. She even laughed while I was there although it scared me when she said that there’s a kid with us even though it’s the only three of us (me, her and her relative) who were there. CREEPYYYYY!!!

Before I went home, her relative handed me my payment for the whole shift. My other co-trainees envied me because of my “salary” and they said that if and when they would be pulled out as a PDN, they won’t hesitate to go there. LOL

Isn’t it cute seeing excited daddies outside the delivery room? I find them amusing. Really. Haha.

We’re assigned now at OB Ward and the dads are the ones we usually talk to in the ward. There’s this American guy, daddy A,  who seemed agitated because he can’t wait to see his first child. On the other hand, daddy B kept on praying because her wife underwent caesarian section instead of the normal delivery. Different guys from different places. What makes them the same is the excitement in their hearts.

Seeing them reminds me of my father. Maybe he was as agitated as daddy A when I was born. I remember this picture of us when I was just a few months old. He was carrying and cuddling me with a big smile on his face.

I am really, really proud of all the daddies out there who work hard for their children to show their love, care and support. I also admire the husbands who do not leave their laboring wives. Guys may really look tough in the outside but deep down inside their heart, you will see a soft spot especially if we are talking about their wives and their children.

I wonder how fidgety or apprehensive TJ (my boyfriend) will be in the future… Hehe!

The doctors already warned her, before, not to get pregnant but being stubborn and insistent, she continued her pregnancy. It’s really difficult to get pregnant when you are leukemic. You have to take a risk.

So yeah, she took a risk. And you know what happened next? She sacrificed her life for her child. She died. She was supposed to undergo normal delivery but unfortunately, her baby’s position is for caesarian section. She should not undergo the latter because she’s prone to blood loss since she’s leukemic. But how can she deliver it normally with her baby’s position? The doctors knew what’s going to happen. It’s really risky. But what can they do? So during the procedure, she lost a lot of blood even if they’re transfusing a bag already. She kept on vomiting blood and there was a tremendous oozing of blood all over her abdomen. There’s no way out. It’s all over.

They say that when a mother delivers her baby, her life is at stake. My mother almost died because of us. She had a hard time getting us out of her womb and I thank God that she’s still alive.

I am really proud of that patient. Wherever she is, I know she is happy and will always guide her baby.

You know what makes me teary-eyed when I learned about her death? It’s the last thing that her mother told her before she was transfered in the operating room. “Magiging mommy ka na anak mamaya. Kaya mo yan. Magdasal ka lang!”

It’s just sad that she didn’t experience being a mom.

*****

ADDENDUM (Sept 2, 2007):

I moved to a new host. Please tell me if you can’t reply here in my comments thru my shoutbox. Thank you.